You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
