Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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