I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
