I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
