Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
