Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've blown a few things in my day
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize