Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
