it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
