Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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