my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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