I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
