you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
