A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
