i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last night I used snow as a chaser
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
