I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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