New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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