I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
