I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
