Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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