Define "chronic" masturbator.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
