hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
