ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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