You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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