Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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