We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dicks are not precious.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize