I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
