I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
