Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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