Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
