my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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