Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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