I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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