I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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