He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
