So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
