Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
