I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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