I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
