I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
