Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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