I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
