You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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