Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
