dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize