It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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