You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Damn victory sex feels great
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
