I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found your dick twin last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
