I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Drunk is not a location!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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