so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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