I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize