Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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