he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
