Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize