what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
