yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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