i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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