I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
