yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
