Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
