god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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