I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
