Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize