I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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