I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
