I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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