I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
