your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
