that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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