I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
