my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
