Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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