I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I faked an abortion last night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
