Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
