what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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