google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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