u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
