I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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