I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
