I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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