i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
