You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
