If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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