I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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