I wannas sexs uuuuu
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
